Oh, no.

Mother's Day is this weekend,  and that brings up a lot of complex stuff. I am not a mother. That was intentional. I am also really good at it. I sleep in, I put myself first pretty often. My money goes toward me and things I like.  Put Piper in a kennel? Cool. Babies in kennels...bad, for some reason.

But women without kids get plenty of side eye. Are we sure we don't want kids? Why not? That's selfish.  What if you change your mind? Who will take care of you later on?

And then, I also no longer have a living mother, so it's not like I can zone in on her to the exclusion of the outside noise.

I appreciate all the people who both are and/or have mothers. I don't begrudge them their special day.  I celebrate them. But I don't want to be lumped in to the celebration just because I have a uterus.  Or because I have a dog, or because I am an aunt.

All of those are good and special things, but they do not a mother make. 

Yesterday, at the office, they had a little Mother's Day celebration.  I hemmed and hawed about taking it as a work-from-home day, and ultimately, when day broke, I decided that between the gray/cold weather, my inability to decide on what to wear, and the basic avoidance of a holiday that doesn't really serve me, I should stay home.  Like my girl, Edith Piaf, je ne regrette rien.

Similar hair, completely different eyebrows.

Ends up, they gave all the ladies a pink rose, and there was an assortment of strange foods. Apparently, there was fried fish - to go with the chicken and waffles.  There was also some chicken salad?  Lord, I don't know.  What I do know is that there were some leftover waffles this morning.  I had a half of one - it was good.  Top notes of cinnamon, and I'll never say no to cinnamon.  Or waffles.  

Now, there are some things that mix in with my Mother's Day Ambivalence.  I had typed out a whole big diatribe about it, but the truth is - the only person it affects, and in fact the only person who can do anything about it is me.

But here's the question.  When one of your core people does something thoughtless that you carry the weight of for decades, how do you let go?   The only person it hurt was me, and I need to let it go, because it can't be fixed.  And the damage isn't physical or financial.  The only toll was my poor delicate feelings. 

But clearly, I can not only hold a grudge, I can strap that motherfucker in a Baby Bjorn and march it all over the place.

Uh... thanks, AI?  Apparently, I'm up for a part in Family Guy spinoff.

Honestly, this image helps.  It shows me how exhausted and unattractive I look, carrying a grudge.

This is not a motherhood I want to act out.

And honestly, that may be the best Mother's Day present I could want.

Though, waffles and pink roses* aren't bad.

*Note:  I did not receive a pink rose on my desk.  I'd tell you I'm disappointed, but like my friend Miley, I can buy myself flowers**.

**And I believe that I will.

ae